Fools Gold Review

I feel honored at being appointed to conduct the official review of Fools Gold. Before beginning the review I must admit that Matthew Mconohey, hey hey, whatever his last name might be is steaming hot. So now that point is out of the way and completely understood we can get on with a detailed review. Basically if you are going to see him, it is worth the 6 bucks or whatever it costs to get in. Wild hair, fit bod, no shoes, no shirt no service. Plus it's always cool seeing some hot guy with some semi-hot women searching for sunken treasure. Especially when they end up finding it (oh did I spoil the movie by saying that?) (If any of you ever go to a treasure movie not knowing whether or not they find the treasure, you have no business going to a treasure movie). So firstly the reason why it has taken me til 11:00 this morning to get the review started is that I had to repent all night for not walking out on the show. Then after that didn't do any good I had to visit my bishop. Still feeling dirty, I went to mass this morning and confessed to the local catholic priest, did some hail mary's and decided to start lent a little early this year. Now I am feeling clear headed enough to write. First of all I didn't know that I could see pure naked women from the waist up in a PG-13 movie. My bad. Guess i should see more movies. It took me a few seconds to realize what I just saw because it came out of nowhere. Not real classy. So when Matt gets rescued the first time by the party boat, make sure you close your eyes. Second of all I don't think I've heard that much swearing since Emily and Lana told of their adventure with the Shit Damn Hell lady in Utah. Wow, my ears are still ringing. At least we almost got a glimpse of Matt naked as a jail bird. So basically we see a side view and a back view. Not quite frontal but pretty darn close. Just enough to get the blood flowing. So now that my confession is complete let's say that the premise was interesting, the violence not too bad and of course there is the treasure and when, how, where they find it. The Ukranian side kick is pretty funny. The best part of the whole movie though was seeing the little 8 or 9 year old kids in the movie being exposed such uplifting, moral building entertainment. Got to love the parents who don't screen those kind of movies for their kids. Pretty sure I don't want my 9 year old boy seeing some bikini clad girl exposing her breasts to the general populous of the world. It's not like boys don't come to this earth with enough testosterone and sexual curiosity as it is. I am pretty sure that if i were to see that as a teenager, while at the movies with another girl that it would have peeked (spelling error on purpose. Pun intended) my curiosity to wondering what was lying under my date's partly see through shirt with a red bra underneath. I think what we need is more teenager sexual encounters and pregnancies to stablize our ........ (am I getting off on a political tangent in a movie review? somebody stop me please!!!). anyway I am sure that most of the visitors to this blog are female and pretty much want to go to the movie to see hot Matt, so you will not be disappointed. However, make sure you cover your hubby's eyes when the party speed boat picks up matt out of the ocean (that is after they throw him the brewed beverage and he fumbles with drinking it and it fills with sea water). I give it 5 stars for matt's body, 3.5 stars for his female counterpart, 2 stars for the dumb rich girl, 3.5 stars for the action, 4 stars for the beautiful oceanography, 2.5 stars for the bad guy, 4 stars for the treasure theme, etc. and 5 stars for coming home after and eating chocolate icecream with fudge chunks in it and snuggling in bed with my hot 6 star wife (can you get 6 stars?).
First time movie critic: Brek